As I begin my new year with a focus on relationships, I'm already faced with an enemy of my best intentions...fear. I'm the kind of person that I can go up to any stranger with little fear or anxiety in the encounter. There has been no investment, so therefore, there can be no real loss. That person has not hurt me in any way, so there is no residual residue. And, harder to admit, I have not hurt, disappointed or angered the unknown person in any way.
Fear makes us do strange things.
Whenever I watch a show or movie and I see a character get injured because they "froze" and did not move out of harms way, even when there was ample time to do so, I think about how fear leads to injury.
In relationships, we fear rejection, so we withhold pieces of ourselves so as not to have them rejected. We fear our ideas not being valued, so we don't express them. We fear sacrifice, so we remain selfishly alone.
Fear does make us do strange things.
How can we live a fearless life?
During my mom's entire life, she lived in fear. She never could quite see how magnificent she was. She feared being her authentic self so she became what she thought others wanted her to be until she reached a point in her life where she didn't even know who she was deep inside. She was so quick to give love unconditionally, but couldn't see herself worthy of the reciprocal.
When talking about her illness she once said, "It is a shame you have to die to learn how to live."
She lived fearless in the end. And, she received love and acceptance at a level she had never known.
How wonderful if we could truly live a life free of fear without having to first lose our life.
The journey to dying to oneself is a continuous one; a choice that is made daily. A choice that can be painfully difficult and abundantly rewarding all at the same time. I believe the reward is worth the risk. Not that I have figured out how to do this on a consistent basis. But, I know the
path.
"The man who wants to save his life will lose it, but the man who loses his life will save it."
My prayer for each of you is that you may live boldly and assuredly without fear.
Be blessed my friends.
Friday, January 9, 2009
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Happy New Year!
Throughout the years I have looked at the new year in a variety of ways. Some years I have fallen prey to the pull of New Years Resolutions! Weight Loss, Diet, Exercises. Other years, I've rolled into the new year without much thought. But, not this 2009 transition.
This year, I am filled with self-introspection, anticipation, hope, and a genuine desire to make 2009 a pivotal year in my life. When 2010 rolls in, and I reflect on the year of 2009, will I find that I used 2009 wisely? Will I have made the most of each day? What will my relationships look like? Will they be acquaintances or will they have developed into healthy meaningful relationships?
I can summarize my focus of 2009 in one word...relationships.
I'm reading a small book/study called Witnessing to the World. In this book, the author talks about concentric circles of influence. Basically, it looks like a dart board with a bulls eye in the center. The center circle is Self. From there moving outward there are layers of relationships. The next layer past self is immediate family, then relatives, then friends and so on.
The importance of focusing on oneself is immeasurable. Before you can have any meaningful influence in any of the concentric circles, you must first start with yourself.
My life has been one where the positioning in my concentric circles has been transposed. I have neglected the health and well being of "Self". It is understandable with my Mom's illness and eventual death that my focus would have been on her. But, I feel her now, with me; and I feel her lovingly saying, "This is your year, Amanda."
Relationships are very difficult. They take work and vulnerability; sacrifice; compromise; loving when you don't feel like it; forgiving before you are ready; humility; and putting other's needs before your own. They are hard work no matter how you slice it.
But, life without relationships is lonely and void. We were created with a longing for connectivity through a relationship. A relationship with our Maker. A relationship with ourselves. And, relationships with others.
Many things get in the way of these relationships: business, complacency, procrastination, judgement, perfectionism, and misplaced priorities.
When I roll into 2010, I intend to reflect on the meaningfulness of 2009. And, be thankful for the relationships that have given meaning to my life.
So, I'm not really going to put together a list of resolutions. Instead, I'm going to have a focus. Focus on my relationships -- Christ, Self, Family, Friends, Colleagues, Clients -- in that order. I believe that with this focus, all things will come. I will study God's word more, because that's how I grow to know him more. I will exercise and eat better because I owe that to myself. I will remember birthdays and anniversaries because the are celebrations worthy of remembering. I will engage my colleagues as they are my work family. And, I will cultivate clients as they are my livelihood.
If you are reading this, you are in my circles. Thank you for being a part of my life and for letting me be a part of yours.
I wish you all many blessings, joyful memories and meaningful relationships.
Happy New Year!
This year, I am filled with self-introspection, anticipation, hope, and a genuine desire to make 2009 a pivotal year in my life. When 2010 rolls in, and I reflect on the year of 2009, will I find that I used 2009 wisely? Will I have made the most of each day? What will my relationships look like? Will they be acquaintances or will they have developed into healthy meaningful relationships?
I can summarize my focus of 2009 in one word...relationships.
I'm reading a small book/study called Witnessing to the World. In this book, the author talks about concentric circles of influence. Basically, it looks like a dart board with a bulls eye in the center. The center circle is Self. From there moving outward there are layers of relationships. The next layer past self is immediate family, then relatives, then friends and so on.
The importance of focusing on oneself is immeasurable. Before you can have any meaningful influence in any of the concentric circles, you must first start with yourself.
My life has been one where the positioning in my concentric circles has been transposed. I have neglected the health and well being of "Self". It is understandable with my Mom's illness and eventual death that my focus would have been on her. But, I feel her now, with me; and I feel her lovingly saying, "This is your year, Amanda."
Relationships are very difficult. They take work and vulnerability; sacrifice; compromise; loving when you don't feel like it; forgiving before you are ready; humility; and putting other's needs before your own. They are hard work no matter how you slice it.
But, life without relationships is lonely and void. We were created with a longing for connectivity through a relationship. A relationship with our Maker. A relationship with ourselves. And, relationships with others.
Many things get in the way of these relationships: business, complacency, procrastination, judgement, perfectionism, and misplaced priorities.
When I roll into 2010, I intend to reflect on the meaningfulness of 2009. And, be thankful for the relationships that have given meaning to my life.
So, I'm not really going to put together a list of resolutions. Instead, I'm going to have a focus. Focus on my relationships -- Christ, Self, Family, Friends, Colleagues, Clients -- in that order. I believe that with this focus, all things will come. I will study God's word more, because that's how I grow to know him more. I will exercise and eat better because I owe that to myself. I will remember birthdays and anniversaries because the are celebrations worthy of remembering. I will engage my colleagues as they are my work family. And, I will cultivate clients as they are my livelihood.
If you are reading this, you are in my circles. Thank you for being a part of my life and for letting me be a part of yours.
I wish you all many blessings, joyful memories and meaningful relationships.
Happy New Year!
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